Tuesday, April 17, 2012

{communication 101}

Hi y'all! Welcome to "The Marriage You've Always Wanted" presented by Gary Chapman (whose quite hilarious) and retold by...yours truly!

Clearly this couple went to the seminar also, I mean just look how happy they are! 

In all seriousness, this really was such an incredible seminar. I already had a big interest in Gary Chapman's thoughts on love and marriage but hearing it from the horses mouth is just...better. We found ourselves nudging each other throughout thinking "oh my gosh, that is so YOU!" It was such a fun experience. Everything thing he said seems fairly logical but it's just a matter of practicing it, ya know?  I really hope that the things he discussed will be the way T and I live our lives together.  With that being said I am realistic. I know we will have our ups and downs and this is not a "fix all" but it's some dang good info!  

As I mentioned, these next few posts are for my reference...you know, that way the next time T brings me home a Wii as a gift...I'll simply stay calm, use G.C.s strategies and voila, problems solved! And I know these posts will be a little wordy however I sincerely hope you'll read along. Who doesn't want to strengthen their marriage, right? I guarantee you, this will.

Also, this is about $80 worth of free knowledge here! I'm bringing to you an absolute bargain! 

Let's get down to it shall we?

{Communication 101}

First things first, did you know that 50% of wives have uncommunicating husbands? Tis true, I will not be one of those wives because Travis can talk my freakin' ear off and doesn't hold anything back but apparently some of you are living with a guy that doesn't talk.

Why do people get married?
Sharing Life
(he must've forgetten having babes on this list?)

Why is it necessaryy to communicate?
Because only YOU know YOU! 
Even though your hub may think he knows what you're thinking he doesn't. You know exactly what I'm saying here.  And you know that boy can not read your mind, if he suggests dinner out with his friends but what you really wanted was a Chinese take out and a movie. Don't agree to it and be pouty all night.  TELL HIM and then compromise on something that suits both of you.

Levels of communication.
1. Day to day events.
G.C. TIP: Share 3 different things you did that day AND how you feel about them.
ex: I went shopping, I felt poor because I really want these cute $300 boots... I drank a large Great American Cookie Co. Dr. Pepper with extra ice for lunch, it was freakin delicious... I accidently ran a red light, I know, I know, I'll be more careful! 

2. Decision making

3. Conflicts (this is the big one!)
Examine your anger. What made you angry? The way he said it or what he said?

Take a time out.  Do something relaxing then come back and ask "can we discuss this now?"

Take turns talking! He gets 5 uninterrupted minutes, then you get your turn.

Practice listening. Don't be thinking of the next point you're going to fire back at him. Actually hear what he's saying.

Listen to facts AND feelings!
ex: "It really upset me that you didn't call when you knew you were going to be late. It made me feel like I'm not on your radar." 

Seek to understand and express understanding.
ex: "What you're saying makes a lot of sense. When I don't call when I'm going to be late it makes you think you're not my first priority."
I love this tip.  I think if you are speaking calmly about a conflict and you understand where they're coming from (even if you don't agree) you can get much further than arguing, then you'll be able to come up with a reasonable solution.

How to overcome barriers to communication:
I don't forsee T and I ever having a real issue here and I imagine that most of you don't either but I really like his suggestions. These things just make you feel closer to someone.
1. Learn his interests. Fishing it is! 
2. Ask his advice on something. "What would make these cookies better?"
3. Share a book. After each chapter share one thing you learned about yourself.
4. Apologize. and mean it!
5. Meet sexual needs. just do it!
6. Pray together. G.C. TIP: hold hands before bed and silently pray together. 

Always repeat for clarity. Make sure you're understanding what he's saying. "Are you saying you want to go to dinner with the guys tonight because Kyle's only in town and you haven't seen him in ages?" "That's fine, I'll grab Chick fil a and catch up on Real Housewives and we can have our dinner date tomorrow."

Rate your feelings. The example he gave was great, and SO spot on. Husband asks wife if she wants to go to Chili's for dinner. She says "uhhh, that's fine." The whole way there she barely talks, he knows something is bothering her. He asks and she says: "well, I just really wanted to go to the new, nice restaurant. I've been hoping we'd go there all week." He says: "Okay let's go there then." She says: "No, don't bother." Either way the poor guy can do no right here. Their evening is toast.

Ladies we do this shiz all the time! The boy doesn't have a clue what you're thinking. You've got to tell him! A simple number system like this keeps the guess work out of it for your guy. If you despise his idea instead of putting him down for it you can simple rate your feelings and come up with an agreeable solution like so...

"Babe, 1-10, how about Chili's for dinner?" "Uhh, 2. How about that new, nice place? I've been wanting go there all week" "Eh. How about a date night there next Friday and we can go see that movie too? Want to just order pizza and catch up on our shows?" "Yes!"

*    *    *    *    *

So there you have it! Communication 101. Simple enough right?

Are you at all interested in this? I totally am! And it get's better!

If you find this the slightest bit interesting and are following along go home tonight and take this assessment with your hub, bf, roommate, fiance, self, whatever you got.

Find out your love language.

It's fun I swear to you!

Then come back tomorrow for

{Understanding and Expressing Love}
Using the 5 Love Languages

1 comment:

  1. I LOVE the rating system tip. that's definitely going to be tried out around our house.

    thanks for sharing!!!

    {I have a giveaway going on now & would love for you enter! amyreneonline.com}


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